my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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