Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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