The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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