So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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