It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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