end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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