the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
