I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
