We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
