I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
