you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
