I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
