So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
