is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
