So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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