You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
this just has baby written all over it
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
