I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
