i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
