well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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