We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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