I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
