Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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