She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
