I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
