hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
The best revenge is premature balding
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
