He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
