i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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