my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
