Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
