I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
