Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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