I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
