Define "chronic" masturbator.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
