Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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