Your tits are I can't wait for
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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