I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
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I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
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He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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