Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
