people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Let's paint friendship bongs
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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