That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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