I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
