he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
