Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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