So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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