Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize