New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
