So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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