i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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