Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
