Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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