Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
