i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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