Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
