Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
