Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize