Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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