She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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