I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
wanna go halves on a baby?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Randomize