i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
