are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
