she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
