You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
