Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
