my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
