Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
