they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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