I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I touched a dick in church today
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
