We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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