I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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