So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
