All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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