WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
