The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
