did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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