it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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