In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
