I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
